at 7am, after 4 hours of sleep, I woke up thinking I had left a light on. The other type are the “am I in there?” curtains – where you drag one curtain all the way across and try to seal it against the wall so no daylight seeps through. One type I call scissoring curtains – where you just try to bring together two separate sets of curtains to the middle and smush them together, in hopes of sealing them shut. Of course the day began unexpectedly due to my hotel curtains. Walking around a new city, sitting around reading and just feeling relatively care free. J-L (in Pence voice): I won’t even go into seafood restaurants.įriday – Mall Reading and Brewery Comedy Crush on a show, get a maskįriday was the type of day I had been missing for a year and a half. President, I can assure you that the last thing I want to be anywhere near is a pussy. J-Mart: You know Trump really did say to Pence “You can be a patriot or you can be a pussy.” Here is a brief transcript of a moment I will share. Since most of our discussion was off the record I will not reveal all of the details of our hang out in between shows, but I will say this – everyone deserves to be loved the way Jonathan Martin loves my Mike Pence impression. Several fans showed up for both shows, but the true highlight (with no disrespect to my fans or the father of one of my college hoops teammates who showed up) was Jonathan Martin of the New York Times coming through for the first show. I checked into my Hilton hotel (as I told the crowds I like my hotels the way I like my sex tapes) and then made my way to O’Sullivan’s in Arlington for two shows. I read 50 pages in Rick Perlstein’s Reaganland (leaving me with only 4200 pages left) on the way to DC and then took the Metro out to Tyson’s Corner, VA (which now looks like a whole new city) after arriving. Seriously.Īfter I finished watching the complimentary gladiator matches in the lounge I made my way to my Accela to DC. The NY Penn Amtrak lounge is a masterpiece. I ended up having a tea and two packs of Lorna Doones (I eat not for the job I have, but for the job that my great-grandfather wanted). Unlike other Amtrak lounges on the east coast, rather than some Rold Gold pretzels and leftover Sara lee danishes, the new lounge has a full bar (well at least coffee bar), dozens of premium snacks and treats, beautiful, spacious seating and slaves fanning you. As a Select Plus member of Amtrak (baller) I get access there for any Amtrak trip I take. So even though going to New York Penn would add time to my trip, I would also be able to luxuriate in the revamped Amtrak lounge in NY, one of the centerpieces of the new Moynihan Train Station. Newark Penn Station is the closest Amtrak station to where I live, but it is also a disgusting place. Thursday – Amtrak Luxury and a Fake News Summit in Arlington So without further adieu, here it is folks. It was a weekend of fancy Amtrak accommodations, reading on benches in shopping malls, heckles from plastic surgeons, hotel curtains that would not close, Cheesecake Factory, great comedy and a truly unique experience in my almost 18 year comedy saga: meeting fans. 17 years ago I graduated from Georgetown Law and like the cicadas I just made a triumphant return to the DC area for 3 nights of shows.
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